Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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