32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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