So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
