haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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