so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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