Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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