Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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