I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is Oprah even human
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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