there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
