Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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