Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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