You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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