i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
