If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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