i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
