Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
