I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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