So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
