I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
