Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

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  (773): so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse http://tfl.nu/dvkx
  Replies (9) Good night (561) Bad night (4133)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Because we had sex in one.

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  (919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am
  Replies (7) Good night (5586) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.

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  (909): Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/i4ub
  Replies (6) Good night (2528) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.

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  (717): Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene. http://tfl.nu/3l38
  Replies (8) Good night (4036) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.

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  (303): I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us. http://tfl.nu/59u4
  Replies (8) Good night (1739) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time

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  (734): Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time http://tfl.nu/r01i
  Replies (7) Good night (1359) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.

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  (847): Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat. http://tfl.nu/qyw3
  Replies (8) Good night (2067) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?

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  (913): My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot? http://tfl.nu/qatl
  Replies (5) Good night (1101) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that

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  (780): Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that http://tfl.nu/j30v
  Replies (5) Good night (815) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

  (1-510): View more from California

  Berkeley was the right choice

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  (510): A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by" (1-510): Berkeley was the right choice http://tfl.nu/la9d
  Replies (6) Good night (1433) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing

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  (818): He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing http://tfl.nu/62aj
  Replies (5) Good night (1120) Bad night (365)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.

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  (717): This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy. http://tfl.nu/qoag
  Replies (5) Good night (960) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.

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  (310): He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing. http://tfl.nu/4uvb
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.

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  (317): I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe. http://tfl.nu/1bo6
  Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (215)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.

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  (503): That's always how I imagine things at your apartment... (541): Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here. http://tfl.nu/wx1r
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (111)

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