Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

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  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1376) Bad night (8348)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"

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  (916): I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much" http://tfl.nu/mqwd
  Replies (47) Good night (4949) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.

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  (913): Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country. http://tfl.nu/x6hu
  Replies (33) Good night (5942) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he thanks me after handjobs.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  you found the perfect man.

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  (203): he thanks me after handjobs. (1-203): you found the perfect man. http://tfl.nu/eh9t
  Replies (43) Good night (5100) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

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  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (36) Good night (8351) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets

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  (510): I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets http://tfl.nu/m0gr
  Replies (6) Good night (1692) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

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  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (4024) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying

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  (+61): Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying http://tfl.nu/56hl
  Replies (8) Good night (1653) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1474) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.

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  (513): Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah. http://tfl.nu/232a
  Replies (16) Good night (667) Bad night (2013)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room

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  (661): Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room http://tfl.nu/4z49
  Replies (9) Good night (2242) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish there were birth control emojis

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  (918): I wish there were birth control emojis http://tfl.nu/p00p
  Replies (16) Good night (574) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.

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  (567): I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it. http://tfl.nu/gm4t
  Replies (2) Good night (1547) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late

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  (775): This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late http://tfl.nu/ovyj
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.

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  (306): I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck. http://tfl.nu/lhcb
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (282)

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