I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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