Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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  (415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996
  Replies (22) Good night (4575) Bad night (607)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face

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  (412): When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face http://tfl.nu/tsxz
  Replies (16) Good night (4186) Bad night (1403)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

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  (303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out? http://tfl.nu/1nw7
  Replies (69) Good night (10316) Bad night (1252)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks

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  (478): She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks http://tfl.nu/vee8
  Replies (22) Good night (4649) Bad night (1583)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

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  (678): You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works. http://tfl.nu/of7z
  Replies (14) Good night (1039) Bad night (5757)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

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  (248): To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet.... http://tfl.nu/cx4o
  Replies (5) Good night (5132) Bad night (911)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

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  (509): They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried. http://tfl.nu/h9l8
  Replies (17) Good night (2105) Bad night (4338)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.

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  (321): It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical. http://tfl.nu/ps02
  Replies (17) Good night (3111) Bad night (750)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out

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  (970): I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out http://tfl.nu/cs49
  Replies (7) Good night (1366) Bad night (433)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.

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  (734): She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night. http://tfl.nu/qun7
  Replies (5) Good night (919) Bad night (602)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.

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  (848): We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples. (848): A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck. http://tfl.nu/35ft
  Replies (3) Good night (1390) Bad night (492)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.

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  (901): First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer. http://tfl.nu/seyu
  Replies (3) Good night (691) Bad night (349)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle

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  (727): I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle http://tfl.nu/ptdk
  Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (194)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!

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  (330): It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink! http://tfl.nu/ur99
  Replies (1) Good night (269) Bad night (436)
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  (310): View more from California

  Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.

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  (310): Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand. http://tfl.nu/cp6v
  Replies (2) Good night (194) Bad night (106)

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