I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
