Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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