I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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