I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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