I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
