I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
