I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
