He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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