So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
