I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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