I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm like, not good at living.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
