Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
