There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
