You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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