Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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