I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
