I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
