There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
