i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
