wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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