You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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