I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
