Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
