First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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