I bet he comes in French.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
