She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
