Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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