awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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