It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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