I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
