i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
