We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
