my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
