dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
