My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
