I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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