Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
