i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My balls are so social today.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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