Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
