Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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