Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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