maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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