Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
