you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
