i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
