He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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