I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
