I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
