She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
