You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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