Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
