I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
