So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
