So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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